My Easter Journal Entry

Jesus,

I don't know how to express what I've been thinking this week. To be honest, it has been tough seeing you. Life is gnarly...life at work, wondering if anyone is even interested in You...life at home, feeling like I will never get enough sleep, wondering how You are keeping my marriage together.

Innately, I don't love the things that you love. I would like to think I do, I would like to think that I have only "godly" desires. But you know me too well. Man, people reading this letter know me too well. I am a mess on my own...I struggle to get past all that I do wrong. You have such high standards, and I fail every single one, if not by action, then by thought.

I've been learning this week that I don't bring that much to the table. Seriously, religion irritates me. Days that are supposed to be "important" sort of get under my skin. Am I supposed to suddenly act a different way because "religion" tells me to?

God, I want you to be so much more to me than that. I need you to make our relationship the consumption of my existence, and I can't manufacture it. You need to initiate it. You need to make yourself real to me...daily.

Every time I think I can write you off, every time I think you make absolutely no sense, you remind me of what you did this weekend, Easter. You chose to enter the mess of this world. You didn't spare yourself from immense heartache. In fact, you seemed to be a willing participant. If it wasn't for this weekend, I wouldn't give you a chance. If it wasn't for Easter, I would have no hope.

Thank you...Thank you for not only suffering to make me right with you, but for rising out of that grave. Because of Easter, I have hope worth living for. I can't think of anyone being so good. I love you Jesus. Even when I'm faithless, you're faithful.

Much love,

Justin